When We First Met

We met back in middle school, where we were both new. Our first conversation was very awkward. We were given one of the those People Scavenger hunts where you need to find people who have done something special, or whatever. I was nervous that it was my first day there so I didn't really pay attention to the people, I just didn't want to make an ass of myself. So as I was doing this thing I got to the question "________ is an only child" I was going around looking for someone, and for some reason I kept asking him if he was an only child. At first he'd just say no, but me being the idiot that I was, would just end up wandering around, and then up asking him again. Finally he just said "NO!! I AM NOT! I HAVE A BROTHER SO STOP ASKING ME" really rudely (I deserved it but it hurt). Our first meeting wasn't great eh?

The next year of middle school we didn't really talk much. We had every class together but we hung out with different people for the most part. Except for Tang. Tang and him had a middle school relationship. It was one of those "OMG!!! HE LIKES HER! SHE LIKES HIM! THEY'RE GONNA HAVE KIDS!!!" kind of thing but they ended up spending a lot of time together. B/c of how the world worked, Tang and me ended up in the same work group for pretty much every assignment we got and as a result, were almost always together in class. Whenever he came over to flirt with her, he'd always make it a point to make me feel stupid or insecure or something. Looking back, he meant it jokingly but as a middle school kid, you take some of the things way too personally. He'd do stupid stuff like call me homo/fag/gay boi, or take something or mine and not give it back. Little things that I'd overreact to and he'd get his minute of glory and I'd feel stupid about myself.

Pretty much, this continued on for the rest of that year. I didn't HATE him, but I really disliked him for the most part. We had some mutual friends so we did end up seeing each other now and then out of school, but really, we were two separate people and I never had any intention of knowing him, let alone loving him.

WHAT DID I JUST DO?!?!?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
HOW THE FUCK COULD I DO THAT?!?!?! HOW COULD I LET MYSELF DO THAT?!?!?! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S STILL F'EN TALKING TO ME!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT

(explanation coming soon)

Lost Day

UPDATE:
I finally got through to him and like I was suspecting we aren't meeting up anymore. Over the past year things have gotten weird between us. We use to do stuff a lot more, and hang out, but ever since it happened he keeps cancelling plans and backing out at the last minute. It's getting out of hand in my opinion. He has said in the past he feels guilty about how he has been a crap friend over the last while and how he's sorry for it, but he keeps doing it which ticks me off. He back out of our plans tomorrow with the chipmunk, but I think me and her are still on. The worst part is that I had a feeling this was all going to get screwed over from the get-go but I just let myself get excited about it all. I keep saying I should just stop talking to him and become better friends with more loyal people, but I can't. I'm addicted to him and he's my crack. Why do I just keep letting myself get sucked into this all? It's all my fault in the end. Only the plus side though, I've gotten plans for tonight with chipmunk. It's not the same, but at least I'm not sitting around my house, getting depressed about this all.

I'm supposed to meet up with him today. He was supposed to give me a time sometime. He showed up on MSN around 4:00am but went offline before I could message him. I send him an e-mail saying to call me, but surprise surprise, no call. No one is picking up the phone @ his place so I'm not sure what's going to happen. I want to meet up with him before he heads back south to his new place, but I don't want to sit around all day doing nothing.

The things that make life a little better

him- ok dude
him- something i've always been meaning to ask you
me- ya
him- Do you honestly think I'd replace you with someone like [utm]? (Side note, u'll find out who utm is in the future)
me- w/o a doubt :D
me- ya
him- really?
him- even after all the stuff we've been through
him- all these years
me- that's what i took as the most insulting part
me- after all those years, then i get pushed out of the picture I was jaded/pissed
him- bah
him- Not true at all
him- You have to understand
him- I basically left school
him- Left life
him- and still went to YOU for advice
him- No one else
him- SUre
him- I might have gone to others to hang out or whatever, but that doesn't replace you
him- And it won't
him- I guarantee you
him- It's always been on my mind tho
him- Because I TRULY don't want you to think you're not welcome in my life

The Beginning

Hmmm

So here it is. I actually think that this is a blog that I can keep up with. I've had many persona blogs that I start that have never gotten beyond the first post, but I think that this will be one I can keep up with. I think the difference is that his will be a topic I can keep up with- my secret love for my best friend, or at least close friend. Ya, it'd wouldn't be as weird is it wasn't that, well, hmmmm, I'm not sure if I'm gay or straight but I have such a strong attraction to him, and honestly, only him. (I'm a guy if you haven't figured that out). I doubt what I ever want is reciprocal (beyond the simple fact he's straight) and I hope to reveal why in the future.

This will be a chronicle of the past between us, what's happening and what I hope the future holds. No matter what, my #1 priority will be being his friend but you can always hope.